


Bad Day

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2011, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, implied undiagnosed depression, mental health fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: What happens when Dan and Phil are both in need of support
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 33
Kudos: 102





	Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indistinct_echo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indistinct_echo/gifts).



> Commission for Echo! Your prompt was brilliant and definitely made me think. Hope you like it and it lives up to your spiral ^.^ tried to include a cheek pepper reference. 
> 
> Also thank you to @yikesola for beta!

He doesn’t know what time it is, but the little bit of sun peeking through the blinds and the ache in his neck tells him it’s later than expected. Not that it matters. Not that he has anywhere to be. 

It’s not like he’s a uni student anymore. At least for this year, but both Dan and everyone around him knows there’s no chance in hell he’ll go back. Because he failed. Couldn’t even do that right. 

That thought alone is enough to make him bury his face under the covers. Might as well live up to the title of useless twat. No one’s called him that to his face, but they might as well. He can’t handle coursework and can’t film videos that aren’t shit and can’t even sleep like a normal fucking human. 

If Phil heard that he’d tell him to stop. He’d put on his most stern voice and tell Dan how much it hurts to hear him say those things. But Phil’s not in bed. Phil’s fumbling around the flat making entirely too much noise for it being...whatever the fuck time it is. If he had the energy he’d probably yell at him to pipe down so he can wallow in peace. 

That’s another thing he’s shit at. Being a good boyfriend. Being a good business partner. 

He should have told Phil to take the Super Amazing Project gig by himself. He’d be better off without the dead weight. They moved in together with the promise of doing whatever they could to make it work. To prove themselves. And now here he is, hiding from the world once again acting like a bloody kid. 

He hates himself for feeling so petulant. For feeling anything, really. But it’s just that normally Phil would have checked on him by now. Normally when he’s stuck in bed in a pit of self loathing, Phil will come in with a glass of water. He’ll lay next to him even when he’s not tired. He’ll rub circles in his side and whisper sweet stupid things that Dan will never admit how much he needs to hear. That’s just how it is. It’s been his one reliable thing since the first time he couldn’t hide a bad day from Phil. 

But he’s not. He hasn’t even called for Dan through the door, and despite every sense being dulled and pointless right now that still stings. 

*

It feels like there are a swarm of bees in his stomach and they’ve slowly been making their way to his head all day. He woke up with a racing heart and that fuzzy feeling in his legs letting him know it was just going to be one of those days. 

He tried tidying the kitchen, even though technically it’s Dan’s turn. It’s past five and Dan still hasn’t come out of their bedroom, not even for a wee, but he doesn’t have time to focus on that right now.

Editing the Super Amazing Project isn’t working. It’s not flowing like it should and they’re actually working with a deadline which only aids in Phil’s nerves. This is an actual paycheck and a chance to sell themselves. But right now, nothing works and he’s tempted to scrap this entire cut.

Usually, they edit together. Dan will sit next to him and throw out a dozen opinions on every scene, ranting about the vision that he knows is in Phil’s head. Dan’s good at that. Decoding the jumbled up notes and half formed ideas in his brain and understanding it. 

Dan would probably take the laptop from his lap right now and distract him with an adventure into town for ice cream or a pillow fight or a makeout session on their couch because living together for real is still brand new and exciting.

But Dan’s not here. He didn’t even come out of the room after Phil tried to make extra noise hoping to lure him out in curiosity. 

He’d be sadder about it if his brain wasn’t too busy being irritated at everything that’s crossed his path today. The sun is too bright out and the sounds from the neighboring apartment are too loud and his legs still feel like the static of a VHS tape that’s run out and it’s all just _too much_. 

There’s a knot in his stomach that’s from more than the too muchness of today. It’s past lunchtime and he didn’t eat because Dan planned on trying out a new recipe together. It’s not like he’s incapable of feeding himself. But there’s something in him still that’s half expecting Dan to come out, put on his stupid pretentious music, and cook something they’ll both probably hate but will make them feel more grown up.

It’s the peppers left unchopped on the counter that finally does it. That drives him to call out Dan’s name four times in a row as loudly as he can before the sound of his own voice grates on his nerves.

No answer.

*

Phil’s voice is muffled by the duvet still covering his face, but he’d know that tone anywhere. He should really respond. At least acknowledge that he hears him. But he just….can’t. And here he was thinking he had capped out on guilt today.

There’s a few thuds of heavy footed socks and then the sound of their bedroom door opening just a little too fast. It’s almost painful to hear. It reminds him of being 16 and his mum barging in after finding out he’s missed 3 days of school. The guilt keeps growing.

“Dan.”

Maybe if he doesn’t move, he’ll go away.

“Dan. Seriously, we can’t do this today.”

Even though his brain is currently underwater, the sharpness in Phil’s voice feels like a knife. The loud sigh that comes after is a second. 

“The video is due in two days.”

He hopes the grunt that he manages to make is enough of a response. An apology. For being this way. For ruining everything. 

“I can’t do everything! We have bills you know. I don’t want to call my parents again.” 

That hurt.

There’s another sigh. One that’s a little more sad, a little more soft. Then a hand squeezing his arm from where it’s still covered up. He doesn’t know Phil managed to distinguish where it was when he’s still facing away. 

The last thing Dan hears before his hand is gone and the door is shut once more is a whisper of “Please.”

He’s alone again. 

*  
He’s a twat. A right dickhead.

His boyfriend is obviously having a bad day. Dan’s obviously in one of his moods and he really just went in and made it worse. 

He’s still too grumpy and off to go back in and apologize. Dan probably doesn’t want him there anyway. 

They don’t fight like this. They hardly fight at all. They aren’t these people. He doesn’t want to prove the people who said they were moving too fast and being too reckless right. They’re better than that. 

Phil’s pacing around the lounge, debating on the proper move. Maybe he should call his mum considering how wildly out of his depths this is. 

There’s a quiet cough coming from behind him. It’s the first time he’s seen Dan’s face in about 12 hours and normally that’s enough to have him grinning from ear to ear, but not right now. 

Dan’s eyes are dark and sunken in. His hair is curly from sweat and Phil can’t remember how many hours it’s been since he’s seen him drink water. 

He doesn’t care. Watching Dan shuffle to the couch with his head down just deflates him. All he wants to do right now is hold him and maybe cry, out of frustration or fear he’s not sure. 

There’s a tension in the air he doesn’t know has ever existed when he’s been with Dan. The angry bees are back and they’re stuck in his throat. 

He hates how weak his voice sounds and the tears that do in fact start to fall when he finally squeaks out a half sentence. 

“ M’sorry….Dan..I-“

His words are cut short as the breath leaves his body when Dan slams his body into a hug. 

He tries to mumble more apologies into Dan’s neck. Dan only responds in quiet shushing and clinging tighter as they sway in the middle of the lounge. 

Nothing is solved. It’s still a bad day. The video still needs to be edited. They still don’t know how to fix anything. Dan will still have days where he won’t leave the sheets. He’s still going to feel like his heart is about to jump ship from his body. 

It’s hard. 

It’s less hard when they’re wading through the bad days together.

**Author's Note:**

> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/631098295903797248/bad-day-g-14k-summary-what-happens-when-dan-and) :)


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